Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize