Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
