Four minutes until I can fart!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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