I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
