someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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