I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
