the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
