You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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