We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
