just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
