I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
