Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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