I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
