and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
