If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
