Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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