Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
