So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
