I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
