I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
