i just had sex bonerless
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
