Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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