Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We are all done wearing pants today
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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