so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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