How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
