Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
