Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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