Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
