I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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