I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
