this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
