U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
