You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
