Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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