Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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