I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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