So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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