we have pet lesbian snakes
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
