I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
