so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
