I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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