Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Randomize
