I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
