Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
