She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
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please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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