Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
