I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
