I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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