a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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