If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
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We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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