I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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