Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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