I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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