he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
