dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
