Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
