HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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