Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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