Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
