Umm I'm too high to move.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize