Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize