just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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