A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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