I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
