I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
