Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
