Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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