My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
