i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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