So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
