we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
