allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
