you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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