Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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