can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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