i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
